


Rabbit heart

by theonetruenorth



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dance, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Boys In Love, Drug Abuse (mentioned), Embedded Images, Fluff, M/M, Panic Attacks, Romance, cheating (mentioned), dance au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-09-24 18:29:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9779012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theonetruenorth/pseuds/theonetruenorth
Summary: Magnus had his coffee before him and fresh newspaper on the table and life was pretty much perfect.That is, until he reached the entertainment section of the New York Daily News and saw Alec’s picture taking half of the first page. And then Magnus choked on his coffee.It was the second time he nearly drowned himself in his drink (and not the fun kind of drink) because of Alec. It was a little bit alarming, really. Magnus didn’t want it to become a pattern.Where Alec is an ex-star of international ballet scene, Magnus teaches at Raphael’s dance studio and Izzy gives a shovel talk.





	1. Chapter 1

“Have you heard? We will be getting a replacement for Aubrey.”

“Oh?” Magnus raised one eyebrow at Clary as he took a bite of his chicken parmesan salad. It was still fairly early before the lunch hour rush. Magnus was grateful, as that meant they could leave before the chaos descended on the cafe they were in.

It hadn’t even been a week since the previous ballet instructor had a fight with their boss and just quit. And it was a _huge_ fight, the ‘yelling-insults-and-things-being-thrown-around-the-office’ kind of fight. Yet, no one from the staff was sure what it was all about.

But it didn’t really surprise Magnus in the least. Raphael wasn’t exactly known for being lenient when it came to his businesses - he didn’t tolerate stupidity in any form. He owned the dance studio Magnus and Clary taught in AND the martial arts studio the next door, where Clary’s boyfriend worked. He couldn’t afford his instructors being lazy or petty or unreliable. If you acted like a diva, you got sacked, simple as that.

Aubrey had a bit of a mean streak in her and she could be pretty vindictive when someone got on her bad side. Magus wasn’t really sad to see her go.

“Yeah, and get this,” Clary smiled and waited for him to take a swig of his coffee, “we get Jace’s brother in her place.”

Magnus swore she timed dropping that bomb with his drink. She was nearly rolling on the floor with laughter as he spit out his macchiato.

“Biscuit, are you actually trying to kill me?” Magnus asked as he dabbed a napkin at the coffee stain on his shirt, but sadly, the garment was probably beyond saving. Just his luck. “And gods above, what have we done to be punished with another Wayland in our lives? One is more than enough.”

Magnus gave up on trying to salvage his shirt and looked up. Only then he realized she was suspiciously silent after his last comment.

“What?”

“Magnus, I know that Jace is not your favorite person,” Clary said and merely raised an eyebrow when Magnus snorted, “but I told you before that Jace was adopted.”

“Oh,” Magnus frowned, tossing the stained napkins back on the table, “now that you mention it, it does ring a bell.”

“I’m also pretty sure I already told you who his brother is.”

Magnus cringed. Okay, so maybe he did have a tendency to tune Clary out a bit when she talked about her boyfriend. Because let’s be honest, he didn’t find Jace Wayland a particularly stimulating conversation subject.

Judging from the look Clary gave him, she knew exactly what kind of internal monologue was going off in his head right then.

“Okay, I’m sorry.” Magnus sighed. “Clary, honey, I didn’t mean to shut you out.” He placed both hands on the tabletop and gave her an earnest, honest look. At least he hoped it passed as one. “You have my full attention now. Feel free to tell me all about Jace’s brother.”

“Nope,” Clary said, with an air of finality in her voice and leaned back in her chair, “you’re on your own now, mister. You will need to find out for yourself.”

“Biscuit--”

“Don’t ‘biscuit’ me.” His companion threw a sugar packet at him and he caught it before it hit him in the forehead. Bless his quick reflexes. “I won’t bore you with details of my love life anymore, so you can rest easy.”

Magnus narrowed his eyes.

“You know, that doesn’t really sound like a threat, but like a reward of some kind.”

Clary threw another sugar at him. He caught that one as well.

 

* * *

  

Magnus stretched, his hands high above his head. He heard his spine pop and he winced - he definitely needed to make an appointment for a massage. He grabbed his bag and turned off the lights in his classroom, fully intending on binging on reality TV and ice cream once he got home. It was honestly too hot to do anything else. Granted, a tub of ice cream so late at night probably wasn’t the best idea, but Magnus was so beyond caring it wasn’t even funny anymore.

It wasn’t like he had anyone at home judging his poor life choices.

And Chairman Meow didn’t count.

He was just about to leave the main floor when music reached his ears. It was quiet, almost not enough for him to hear it, but it was definitely coming from one of the other classrooms. Magnus glanced at his watch but yes, it really was a quarter to midnight and who the heck was even still here this late at night?

Apart from Magnus, of course, since lately it felt like he had no social life at all.

He made it way through the floor, following the music, until he reached a door to what used to be Aubrey’s room. Intrigued, Magnus pushed the door open a little and peeked inside.

And then promptly forgot how to breathe.

The classroom was spacious - it had to be, for the ballet dancers to practice their jumps - and right then it was dimly lit by only one of the overhead lamps. The stereo was playing something soft and slow he didn’t really recognize but he found it strangely soothing to listen to. And in the room was a man he has never seen before. But if Magnus had anything to say about it, it definitely wouldn’t be the last time.

The stranger was tall and gods above, his legs seemed to go on for miles. He was wearing a loose tank top that showed off his broad shoulders and strong arms and a pair of tights that left absolutely nothing to imagination. His thighs were solid muscle and his spectacular backside was on the clear display. You could probably bounce a quarter off that ass.

Magnus found himself blanking out for a second.

The man didn’t seem to notice him, too lost in the music and his own movement. Magnus didn’t have that much personal experience with ballet, but he recognized the moves and forms that the handsome stranger was practicing. Magnus couldn’t help but to admire the way every movement flowed smoothly. No gesture felt out of place. Each pirouette and leap was executed flawlessly and he made them look effortless, when in fact they were anything but. There didn’t seem to be any specific choreography to the dance. Instead, it looked like he was going through different motions, practicing his technique.

Despite the fact that the man was incredibly tall, there was some sort of ethereal beauty in his dance. He didn’t look delicate or feminine - his body was unmistakably male and his features were sharp and chiseled, with a hint of five-o'clock shadow on his cheeks. But while in motion he seemed to glide, like his feet didn’t even touch the floor. His jumps were incredible and for their duration he seemed almost suspended in air.

The music faded out and the man stopped to drink from a water bottle. Only then his gaze fell to one of the mirrors and to the doorway, where he saw Magnus.

And then the graceful, elegant creature was gone and he choked on his water in surprise, almost splattering half of it on his front.

“I’m sorry.” Magnus apologized as he entered the room, no longer lingering in the door like a creep. The other man was clearly struggling to recover his composure. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It-It’s okay,” The stranger said, wiping the spilt water from his mouth and chin, “I didn’t expect anyone to be here at this hour. Mister Santiago said I could check out the studio before Monday’s class.”

“You must be our new ballet teacher, then.” Magnus already suspected this to be true but it didn’t hurt to make sure. “Jace’s brother?”

The stranger raised one eyebrow at him.

“You know Jace?”

“Only by proximity,” Magnus admitted, “I’m friends with Clary.”

“Ah.”

It was a little bit awkward conversation, if Magnus had to be honest. The other man didn’t seem to be the talkative type.

“I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced.” Magnus tried again. “I’m Magnus Bane. I teach contemporary and jazz.”

Magnus extended his hand to the other man who looked at it for a second and then shook it. His hand was big and warm, fingers a little bit calloused but not unpleasant. Once their hands touched, a little bit of tension evaporated from the man’s shoulders. Magnus decided to take that for a good sign.

“Alec. Lightwood.” The stranger stuttered a little and Magnus grinned, always happy to get someone flustered with his most dazzling smiles. It seemed to be working, as Alec stared at his lips for a second before looking Magnus in the eyes again. And _oh_ , Alec’s irises were beautiful brown color, with specks of different shades of green. His eyelashes were impossibly long, nearly brushing the tops of his cheeks when he lowered his gaze.

There was a boyish sort of charm to him, an adorable shyness that made Magnus all the more interested. Somewhere in the back of his mind he thought that the name sounded vaguely familiar - he probably heard Clary talk about him before and completely forgot about it - but that didn’t matter. What mattered was the tiny smile tugging at the corner of Alec’s lips when Magnus grinned at him. Their hands were still touching and Magnus reluctantly let him go, missing the warmth of his skin almost instantly.

Well. That was…

Magnus was well aware that he tended to fall fast and hard for certain kind of people, but that situation was a little ridiculous, even for him. He had to take a step back, before he did something he would regret later on.

“I was just heading out.” Magnus took a deep breath as he turned slightly towards the door, clearly indicating that their interaction was coming to an end. “Are you fine with closing up?”

“Yeah.” Alec nodded as he went for the stereo, probably to pick another song for practice. “Mister Santiago already gave me my set of keys.”

“Oh, for the love of all that’s good and holy, don’t call him ‘ _Mister Santiago_ ’.” Magnus huffed. “He hates it. It makes him sound old and that’s just wrong when he doesn’t look a day older than seventeen. Just call him Raphael.”

“How old is he anyways?” Alec wondered out loud. “The guy doesn’t look like he’s legal.”

“I’m not even sure myself and I’ve known him for almost a decade.” Magnus shrugs. He stopped wondering about Raphael’s age long time ago. “And let me tell you, he looks exactly the same now as he looked back then.”

Which was a little creepy, if Magnus had to be completely honest.

“Either way,” Magnus said as he made for the door when it became clear Alec wasn’t going to respond, “I guess I’ll see you at Monday?”

Alec only nodded. He was obviously a man of few words and okay, Magnus could work with that.

Besides, their first meeting wasn’t all a complete disaster. Magnus was pretty much sure he saw Alec smiling at him before he left the room.

He left the building and the cool night air felt great against his skin, still heated after the last practice. Magnus looked up to the second floor, where the windows of Aubrey’s room - well, Alec’s room now, he supposed - were still lit up against the darkness. He could see shadows moving about inside. No doubt Alec started another routine. Magnus sort of wished he stayed behind to look at him some more.

Instead of perving on the new teacher, Magnus walked home and sent a quick series of texts to Clary.

 

> _[00:17 AM ; To: Biscuit]_
> 
> _Oh no, he’s hot._

 

> _[00:17 AM ; To: Biscuit]_
> 
> _You could have warned me._

 

> _[00:18 AM ; To: Biscuit]_
> 
> _I hate you._

 

Normally he would have waited until the next day to bitch at her in person, but it was Clary’s day off.

His phone chirped a moment later to let him know he got a reply.

 

> _[00:19 AM ; From: Biscuit]_
> 
> _I did warn you. And no, you don’t. You love me._

 

Magnus just sighed.

All of his friends sucked.

 

* * *

  

It was six o’clock in the morning and Magnus was sitting at his favorite cafe, not far from his apartment building. It was Friday, so he had a weekend to look forward to and his classes didn’t start until seven, so he still had time to enjoy his drink. The sun was up and the breeze was refreshing before the summer heat enveloped the streets. Magnus had his coffee before him and fresh newspaper on the table and life was pretty much perfect.

That is, until he reached the entertainment section of the New York Daily News and saw Alec’s picture taking half of the first page. And then Magnus choked on his coffee.

It was the second time he nearly drowned himself in his drink (and not the fun kind of drink) because of Alec. It was a little bit alarming, really. Magnus didn’t want it to become a pattern.

Wiping the table with a wad of paper napkins - thankfully nothing got on his shirt this time - Magnus scanned the article with interest. The picture was black and white, obviously taken by some kind of paparazzi, since Alec was scowling and raising his hand up, as if to hide his face. ‘ _Alexander Lightwood returns to New York_ ’ was the headline, printed next to the photo with big, bold letters. He quickly read through it, his eyes widening more and more with each paragraph.

Okay, so maybe he didn’t expect the shy, awkward man he met yesterday to be an international star of Idris Royal Ballet, one of the most famous institutions in the ballet world. Regrettably, Magnus didn’t follow the ballet scene, otherwise he might have recognized Alexander immediately.

Come to think about it, that was probably why his name sounded familiar.

Alec apparently quit the Royal six months prior and basically pulled a Houdini and disappeared from the public eye altogether, for reasons still unknown to this day. He resurfaced a couple days ago and was spotted in New York, his town of birth.

Magnus blinked when he read the article and he stared at the slightly grainy picture.

Why the hell would someone so famous sign up for teaching at Raphael’s school?

Granted, both of Santiago’s establishments were well-known in the city and pretty exclusive as dance schools and martial arts gyms went, but still. It wasn’t the same level as Idris Royal, that’s for damn sure.

Magnus stared at the picture for a moment longer, one of his fingers tapping absent-mindedly on the bedazzled cover of his phone. Seeing no other option, Magnus turned it on and resolved to using the only available source he had right then to look up information on Alexander Lightwood.

Thank god for Google.

A couple tapped inquiries later, Magnus had several tabs open and was reading through them with interest. His coffee was cold and he was getting dangerously close to being late for class.

Alexander was born to Robert and Maryse Lightwood, a district attorney and a NYC police commissioner, respectively. He entered the pro scene at tender age of sixteen, only to have his career peak around the time he was twenty years old. He was the youngest male dancer in the Idris Royal Ballet to earn a principal dancer position after scoring a couple of leading roles in multiple performances. Each and every single one of his solos earned splendid reviews and he was well known internationally.

Despite all of that, nearly all the magazines and interviews that Magnus found showed that Alexander didn’t get overwhelmed by the fame - or the money that came with it. Magnus couldn’t find a single article about any kind of scandal, no mentions of substance abuse or torrid love affairs that are so common among those who start their careers so young. No, for all intents and purposes, Alec was a little dull for a celebrity. He seemed to be focused only on his work and little else. The interviews portrayed him as a quiet and professional young man, who was adorably shy and humble, often downplaying his own achievements. Then, at twenty-three years old, he proposed to one of the principal ballerinas he often worked with, Lydia Branwell.

The engagement lasted for a better part of the year. And then, unexpectedly, Alec broke it off, quit the Idris Royal and disappeared from the surface of the Earth for half a year.

What. The. Hell.

Magnus turned off his phone screen to avoid looking at the clock (he was definitely going to be late) and focused his gaze of the Daily News page once more. Alec was scowling, clearly displeased about having his picture taken. He obviously hated being surprised like that and Magnus could sympathize.

Alec was a little bit of enigma, a welcome breath of fresh air that Magnus has been missing ever since... _her_. ‘She who must not be named’, as Ragnor and Catarina called her.

Magnus could feel himself getting excited about the prospect of solving the puzzle that was Alexander Lightwood. He wanted to know _everything_ , to figure out every little thing that made the man smile. Magnus would give a lot to see those gorgeous hazel eyes light up with amusement.

And he would give even more for the opportunity to climb that man like a tree.

Magnus wasn’t sure if Alec would be receptive to his attention, but their first meeting left him with a good feeling. There was definitely a spark of interest there.

Besides...

He always did love a challenge.


	2. Chapter 2

Monday came around far too quickly and Magnus would like to say that his weekend was easygoing and relaxing, but that would be a lie.

It was a complete disaster.

Or, to make it fair, it was _Magnus_ who was a disaster.

No matter what he did, he couldn’t focus. His usual activities did nothing to take his mind away from the tall, dark, not-really-a-stranger he met at the studio. Magnus’ nature made him inquisitive and he always had a thirst for knowledge. The secret behind Alec’s separation from Idris Royal and his disappearance from the public eye kept nagging at him. It just _wasn’t done_. Magnus had his fair amount of fame when he was in his early twenties but his transition to normal life was gradual and controlled. For Alec to just disappear suddenly and pop back up months later as if nothing was wrong? Magnus was willing to bet his best pair of designer shoes that something drastic happened.

But he knew it wasn’t really any of his business and he wasn’t going to push to get answers. Whatever Alec was going through, it was was private and even though curiosity would eat him alive, Magnus wouldn’t pry.

His decision to be respectful and patient didn’t mean that his brain didn’t try to imagine a dozen of different scenarios. Even Ragnor, with whom he Skyped on Saturday evening, eventually asked him (politely, of course, Ragnor was a Londoner through and through) if he “could kindly shut up about the new dancer and finally talk about something else?”

 

* * *

 

So by the time Magnus entered his classroom at Monday morning, he was tired, irritated and more than a little grumpy. His first class that day was the advanced group and it wasn’t Magnus’ proudest moment, but he pushed his students a little harder than he would have on any other day. He wasn’t mean or angry - Magnus was a strict believer that you shouldn’t bring negative energy with you to work - but he was definitely more demanding than usual.

His mood didn’t improve until noon and their standard weekly lunch date with Clary, Jace and Simon. Magnus couldn’t say he was particularly fond of the two boys, but they were Clary’s, so he tolerated them well enough.

Okay, so maybe he wasn’t entirely fair. He did have a little bit of a weakness towards the two idiots. In the weird, ‘ _they are my people to insult and if you hurt them I will fight you_ ’ kind of way.

“So what’s everyone been up to during the weekend?” Simon asked even as his gaze was glued to the screen of his phone. As always, Magnus found it a little impressive that Simon could apparently have a conversation, check his social media, and reply to emails all at the same time.

“I was--” Clary started and then something outside Magnus’ field of vision caught her attention and she grinned. Magnus had just enough time to raise his eyes from the menu to see her wave her arm enthusiastically. “Alec! Over here!”

Magnus felt himself freeze for a second.

“Wait, what?” Magnus hissed - slightly panicked - as Clary lowered her arm. “Is Alec going to be joining our Monday lunch routine now?”

“You have a problem with my brother?” Jace asked, his brow furrowing, obviously ready to defend his sibling’s honor.

“No! That’s not it! It’s just--- Oh hey, Alec. Fancy seeing you here.” Magnus changed the subject quickly once the taller man sat down at their table. Alec just raised an eyebrow at Magnus’ painfully cheerful greeting.

‘ _Smooth, Magnus_.’ Magnus thought, a smile still plastered on his face. He was half-afraid it was going to get stuck that way. ‘ _Real smooth_.’

“So how are you finding your first day at work?” Clary asked as they finally got their orders and started eating. Magnus was half-tempted to just stuff his mouth with food and avoid talking altogether. He really felt off his game today.

“The girl who taught my classes before me…”

“Aubrey.” Clary supplied helpfully.

“Yes, her.” Alec scowled and made a vague wavy gesture with his fork, barely managing to avoid throwing some of his lemon chicken at Jace. “I have no idea how she managed to get anything done. Her schedule is a mess. Some of the students in advanced level class have to be moved to intermediate and vice versa. I have a feeling I’ll be spending the first week doing nothing but shuffling people around.”

“Do you have any idea how are you going to fix that?” Clary asked. There was a little bit of worry in her voice and Magnus was pretty sure she was ready to jump in and help if Alec needed it. Clary was always ready to fight someone else’s battles. It was one of her more endearing qualities.

“Yeah.” Alec nodded as he chewed. “I’m going to sort all of them into beginner, intermediate and advanced tiers based on their current skills, two groups for each tier. With an average three hours per class, I can take one group from each tier a day, leaving me with nine hour workday. Mondays and Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. That way each group has minimum of two days of rest in between. Which gives me free weekends and Wednesdays for individual extra classes.”

“Sounds like you have it all figured out.” Magnus gave Alec a long glance. He had to say, it sounded like a pretty efficient system. Magnus’ own class schedule was slightly more chaotic, but his hours were sorted by both the dance style _and_ difficulty levels, so it required a bit more flexible approach. “I’m sure you’re going to do wonderfully.”

Aaaaand there it was again.

That shy, delicate smile tugging at Alec’s lips, like the other man wasn’t sure if he was allowed to smile or not. It changed his entire face, made it seem younger and less guarded. His eyes were downcast again, almost like Alec wasn’t used to being praised. Which was a little ridiculous, since Magnus was sure that international fame came with a hefty amount of praise and surely Alec wasn’t new to it?

“Thanks,” Alec murmured, his entire attention seemingly focused on the lunch before him but Magnus found himself smiling in return.

When he had finally tore his eyes away from the younger man, his gaze fell to Clary, who looked at him with narrowed eyes, giving him and Alec a speculating look. Magnus raised an eyebrow at her in silent inquiry, like he dared her to say something and risk his wrath.

Clary only shook her head and turned her attention back to the conversation between Jace and Alec.

 

* * *

 

Magnus didn’t see much of Alec for the remainder of the week AND the next one as well, save for passing him in the corridors or the brief interactions by the coffee machine in the break room. The rare meetings were always pleasant and surprisingly refreshing, fueling the fire that was slowly burning in Magnus’ belly.

Alec was obviously busy, trying to salvage the mess that Aubrey left behind and it wasn’t uncommon for Magnus to see him still in the practice rooms when Magnus was leaving work. He decided to give Alec some space, to let him find his feet and figure out his schedule before trying to coax more of those beautiful smiles out of him.

Which is why, of course, everything went to shit by the end of the week and fate decided to push them together despite Magnus trying to be patient and chivalrous.

“What do you mean, plumbing problems?” Magnus asked after Raphael pulled him out of practice at Friday morning and explained their current predicament to him. The owner - and one of Magnus’ oldest friends - didn’t even blink in surprise at the sight of Magnus wearing tight-fitting pair of leggings and high heels. He has been practicing the new cabaret/jazz routine with his advanced class and Magnus always believed that if you couldn’t dance in heels yourself, you had no right to demand it from your students.

Besides, they made his legs look amazing, so everyone else could suck it.

“The pipe in the ballet room is shot to hell. The floor is flooded and it’s going to take me at least a week to tear off the panels and replace them.” Raphael sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “What part of it did you not understand?”

“The part where you decided to squeeze in twenty more people in my classroom. And those are ballet dancers! It’s a completely different style.”

“It’s not _that_ different.” Raphael shrugged. “You have enough background and experience to make it work and lyrical jazz uses enough elements of ballet that it’s not a drastic jump. I’m sure you and Lightwood can come up with suitable choreography. Treat this as a chance to show your students different types of dance.”

Magnus felt like grabbing Raphael by the lapels of his expensive gray suit and shaking him like a pinata, until either he came to his senses or candy fell out.

It wasn’t that he was opposed to the idea of introducing his students to other styles or how two seemingly different genres could merge into one. Hell, fusion dance is one of his favorite things to mess around with. The classroom might be a little cramped but Magnus can see logic in putting the students in there - his room is the second biggest, after the ballet room.

It wasn’t the idea of working with Alec that he was wary of. He wanted to give the younger man space, give him time to get used to the hectic life of the dance studio. In the span of the last couple of days it became painfully clear to Magnus that Alec wasn’t faking his modesty and he wasn’t being coy. He _was_ actually that shy, despite years spent in the public eye. Magnus had no idea how it was even possible, but he wanted to find out.

He wanted to make Alexander smile even more with that rare, painfully honest smile that lit up his entire face and made the corners of his eyes crinkle a bit. Magnus wanted to figure out what makes Alec’s breath catch, what makes him blush, and what makes him tremble.

Magnus wanted to _wreck him_.

Gently and lovingly, if he had any choice in that matter.

And now Raphael was forcing them to work together and spend time in private to create some kind of choreography? After two weeks of knowing the guy he wanted to take to his bed and make his shy expression melt into exquisite pleasure?

“You need to come up with something else.” Magnus huffed, trying not to let his friend (the traitorous, backstabbing kind of friend) know how much he needed a different solution. He was pretty sure his sanity depended on it.

“I’m sorry,” Raphael said, sounding anything but, “did I give you an impression that this is a negotiation?”

Magnus was so, so fucked.

And not the good kind of fucked either.

 

* * *

 

A quiet knock got Magnus’ attention and he raised his gaze from the screen of his laptop to look at the man standing inside the doorframe. Alec was there, a bag slung over his shoulder and a slightly uncomfortable look on his face.

“Alexander, come in.” Magnus didn’t miss the slight twitch of the other dancer’s frame at the sound of his full name.

Interesting.

“I was just going over the music we might use.” Magnus explained as Alec made his way over the now empty classroom. It was late Friday afternoon and everyone else had gone home already. Magnus had invited Alec over to his class after Raphael dropped the bomb on him earlier. “Do you have any songs you want to use?”

“Yeah, here.” Alec handed him the flashdrive he dug out from his bag and Magnus plugged it in without hesitation. While Magnus installed it, Alec seemed to be taking in the burgundy walls and black decor.

The next three hours were filled with bickering over music choices and setting up the basis of the choreography. They had a week of shared classes together, which meant at least six different groups and six different routines. It seemed a little impossible to create so many dances in just two days, but Magnus was nothing if not ambitious.

At least their asshole of a boss was paying them for overtime.

Thankfully, Alec was fairly easy to work with. He was trained in classical ballet, but had a good basis for lyrical and jazz. Magnus himself was pretty well-rounded in several different styles, contemporary and jazz being his preference, but he had soft spot for cabaret and street dance as well.

Alec didn’t talk much, but he listened, in that focused way that made it clear you had his entire undivided attention. He shared his opinions readily and didn’t hesitate to input his choices of moves when he felt they were necessary. Magnus found himself spacing out for a couple of seconds too many times when Alec looked at him with those gorgeous hazel eyes.

At the end of Sunday they ordered takeout and sat on the floor of the classroom eating Chinese out of the boxes, while Magnus laughed his ass off at Alec’s inability to eat with chopsticks. Alec looked just about ready to throw a spring roll at him, but that would probably be a waste of food.

“Seriously, though,” Magnus wiped the imaginary tear out of the corner of his eye even as Alec glared at him, “would it be weird to say I’m glad we got stuck together? This worked out better than I thought it would.”

“No,” Alec said, his eyes downcast and while his tone was quiet, he also sounded quite happy, “it’s a great opportunity to expose the students to some variety.”

“Oh,” Magnus huffed, “you really know how to make a guy feel special.”

Alec snorted and stuffed his mouth with half of a spring roll. He chewed thoughtfully for a moment, swallowed and looked at the other man again.

“It’s… nice. All of this. You.” Alec’s sharp intake of breath was a clear indication he’d actually said more than he intended to say. He looked away and through the floor-to-ceiling windows, gazing at the streets outside. His expression grew a little distant. Maybe even a little wistful. “It’s been awhile since dancing felt like fun.”

Magnus knew what he meant. His own departure from Broadway - for personal reasons - wasn’t a sudden affair like Alec’s escape from Idris Royal, but even for him dancing felt like a wasted effort, for a short time. Granted, he couldn’t imagine himself doing anything other than that, so Raphael’s offer of a teaching position was a godsend. He never really hated dancing, he just needed a little break.

Magnus opened his mouth to ask Alec what exactly made him feel that way, what caused him to lose the joy that dancing brought to a performer, but he closed it after a second. It really wasn’t his business. Whatever Alec was going through, he would tell him on his own, when he felt like it.

But in the meantime…

Alec’s eyes were pensive and he was clearly lost in his own mind. The thoughts filling his head were probably as dark as the night outside. His silhouette was illuminated from behind, the street lamps making him glow like some kind of ethereal being, his head enclosed in a bright halo. Magnus sucked in a breath, feeling as if someone sucker punched him.

He was beautiful.

Completely and utterly gorgeous and the poor boy didn’t even realize how alluring he was. Right then he looked like a sculpture, still and unmoving. Like a perfect snapshot, forever frozen in time.

“That’s it.” Magnus placed his now empty box of noodles on the floor with perhaps a little more force that was necessary. Alec startled at the sudden noise, his eyes wide as he looked at the older man. Magnus turned away slightly to browse through his song collection and picked one, seemingly at random. The music that started was somewhat slow, with strong base and after a couple of seconds a soft female voice filled the space of the classroom.

“What?” Alec asked, confused, as Magnus grabbed the box of spring rolls from his hand, put them aside and pulled Alec up until they were both standing.

“I absolutely _cannot_ stand having you look so sad for a second longer.” Magnus shook his head as he pulled Alec towards the middle of the floor, the taller man following him like a lost puppy, clearly confused about what was happening. “You and me. Improvisation duet. Right now.”

“Magnus,” Alec gave a startled laugh after they finally stopped, “I do better with a choreography. I’m not that good at improvisations.”

“Nonsense.” Magnus huffed at him even as he turned and stood with his back touching Alec’s chest. “You’re a professional, of course you can do improv.” Magnus looked at him over his shoulder, their faces close enough that he could see the specks of green in Alec’s eyes. “And you’re taller, so you lead.”

Alec just stared at him for a moment and then the song picked up a little as it reached the chorus and Alec’s training kicked in, as if by pure instinct.

It’d been a long time since Magnus danced a duet improvisation and he had expected it to be a disaster, especially with a partner he didn’t know very well.

It was not. It was…

It felt… _right_.

The dance was more than a little chaotic but it was a weird, fitting kind of chaos. They weren’t following a choreography but if anyone looked at them from the outside, they wouldn’t have known the difference. Alec kept him close, their bodies never fully separating, following the slow beat of music and words. They turned, and swayed, and spun around each other as if they have been doing it for years, the familiarity between them growing with each move. Alec was taller and stronger out of two of them and more than once Magnus found himself lifted into air, Alec’s training making the lifts smooth and easy.

Throughout the entire dance Alec kept looking at him, his face slowly relaxing from a look of concentration to something else, something softer and kinder. Magnus could see the exact moment he stopped thinking ahead and planning every move and just let go, let himself enjoy the dance and not worry about making it perfect. His eyes filled with mirth, something that Magnus wanted - no, _needed_ \- to see more often.

And he wanted to be the one who caused that joy.

The song came to an end and they stopped, both of Alec’s hands on his waist, as they had just came out from a slow spin. The sudden silence in the room broke the spell between them and Magnus realized how close they were, flush against each other. He looked up, into Alec’s eyes and found the younger man staring at him. There was something in his gaze, something that Magnus couldn’t put his finger on. It looked a little like panic, a little like longing, and a lot like intense determination.

“I--” Alec started but he stammered a bit, throat suddenly dry. “Izzy, my sister, has been nagging at me to stop being an anti-social ogre and finally throw a housewarming party for my new apartment.”

Magnus just made a noncommittal sound, clearly meant to mean ‘ _go on_ ’.

“But I hate parties and I don’t know that many people anyways. So I wanted to cook dinner instead. Just friends and family. Izzy, Jace, Clary and probably Simon as well, if Clary wants to invite him.” Alec looked away for a second before looking back at Magnus. “If-if you would like to… I mean, I-”

Alec groaned, mortified by his own inability to form words. Which was utterly stupid, since even little children had a firm grasp on that particular skill.

“I would like for you to come and have dinner with me. _With_ _us_!” He quickly corrected himself. “If you’re interested?”

God.

He was adorable.

Magnus was _this_ close to cooing.

“Oh, Alexander,” Magnus purred, his eyes narrowing slightly with pleasure and he was happy to see that Alec shivered at the sound of his voice. And quite possibly at the way that his name fell from Magnus’ lips. “I’m definitely interested.”


	3. Chapter 3

Magnus did a double-take when a gorgeous young woman opened the door to the apartment he just rang.

She had long, dark hair that reached past her shoulders. Her makeup was impeccable and the short navy-blue dress fit her like a glove. In any other circumstances Magnus might be thanking his lucky stars that he apparently rang the wrong door.

Something about her seemed familiar, but Magnus’ couldn’t put his finger on it.

“I’m sorry, I must have the wrong apartment.” Magnus smiled at her politely and took a peek at his phone, checking the address again. But no, he did have the _right_ number.

Huh.

“You must be Magnus,” the dark-haired woman said, causing Magnus’ gaze to snap back to her, “I’m Isabelle.” She opened the door wider and stepped aside to let him in. “Alec’s in the kitchen.”

“Lovely to meet you, Isabelle.” Magnus smiled as he placed the bottle of wine he brought on the end table for a moment. He shrugged off his thin jacket and she took it from him to hang in the closet. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

And that wasn’t a lie. Alec wasn’t a very talkative man by nature, Magnus learned that already, but he never seemed to have a problem talking about his sister. About how smart she was, making her career in forensic pathology, determined to be the youngest Chief Medical Examiner in the history of New York City. How beautiful she was, and how she always managed to give the best advice whenever he felt lost. Both Alec and Jace could talk about her for hours, a clear sign they loved their little sister dearly.

“Please, just call me Izzy.” She said. “Come on, everybody is already here.”

It was a short walk to the living room, but Magnus managed to get a good look at the apartment. He wondered if Alec actually bought the place, because Magnus was pretty sure it must have cost a fortune. Even if he was just renting, it was, without doubt, expensive as hell.

The apartment wasn’t very big and it was a curious mixture of white and brown, earthy colors. Some walls were painted white, others had wooden panels and some were raw, old brick. The floors were made from different types of wood. As for the furniture, it was mostly modern and in the same color scheme as the rest of the apartment. Magnus spotted a couple of decorative items here and there, some vases with flowers and potted plants. And there were pictures, _a lot of them_ , hanging on the walls and placed on the bookshelves.

The living room was already occupied by the rest of the gang. Jace and Simon were busy setting up an Xbox and connecting it to Alec’s TV. Clary was browsing through a photo album of sorts. From the way she was snickering Magnus guessed she got her hands on the embarrassing childhood photos of her boyfriend.

“The kitchen is right there,” Izzy pointed towards the door on the other side of the room. From where Magnus was standing, he could see a corner of a table and nothing else, “you should go say hi.”

And then she winked at him.

Magnus liked her already.

He said a quick hello to the others and made his way to the kitchen. Once there, he simply leaned on the doorframe and watched.

Alec’s back was turned away from him, so Magnus couldn’t see his face, but he bet he wore the same look of determination he usually had while dancing. Alec seemed like that kind of man, a man who always paid the utmost attention to everything and everyone currently in his focus. He was wearing black jeans and shirt (no surprise here) and had a towel slung over one shoulder. The kitchen was filled with a mouth-watering smell that Magnus thought might be Italian.

“You know, when you offered to cook dinner,” Magnus finally said, making Alec jump a little in surprise, “I was half-expecting you to just order catering service.”

“What would be the point of having all of you here, then?” Alec frowned. “I could have invited you to restaurant instead.”

“True.” Magnus agreed, a small smile on his lips as he came closer. “Hello, Alexander.”

“Hi.” Alec smiled back with that soft, lovely smile of his, that showed up only when Alec was truly happy about something. Magnus was starting to slowly get addicted to that smile, rare as it was. “I’m glad you could make it.”

“And forego the opportunity to be wined and dined by you? I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Magnus raised the bottle he still had in his hand. “Speaking of wine, I hope red is okay?”

“Yeah,” Alec nodded, turning his attention back to the garden salad he was in the middle of making, “I made lasagne, so it should be perfect.” He gestured to one of the cupboards. “Glasses are over there.”

The table was already set, so Magnus made quick work of adding glasses and uncorking the wine to let it breathe.

“Do you need any help?” Magnus asked after his task was done but Alec just shook his head, piling the grilled asparagus onto a large plate and dressing it with olive oil, lemon juice and a bit of grated parmesan.

“No, I’m almost done. I think the lasagne is ready too, so if you could call the others?”

“Sure,” Magnus said and turned to leave but Alec’s hand touching his shoulder made him stop in his tracks.

“I meant it, what I said earlier,” Alec whispered, like he was sharing some deep secret meant only for Magnus’ ears, “I-I’m really glad you’re here.”

Magnus looked into his eyes, into those beautiful depths of hazel and felt like he was slowly starting to lose himself, leaving pieces of himself for Alec to find and cherish.

Magnus knew, better than anyone, that he tended to crush on beautiful people, but he learned ages ago that ‘crush’ did not mean ‘love’. He would flirt, even start a romance, enjoy the good times and fun of being with another person before it inevitably fell apart. Sometimes it was because of him, sometimes the other person. And sometimes it wasn’t anyone’s fault at all.

But an affair or brief romance wasn’t the same thing as falling in love. Magnus had been in love only two times in his life. The first ended in tragedy, the other… well. ‘She who must not be named’ broke his heart so completely and thoroughly that Magnus never expected to feel love again.

And yet here he was, standing in the kitchen of a man he knew for three weeks, feeling his heart skip a couple of beats when Alec looked at him like… like _that_. Like his entire world narrowed only to Magnus, like he couldn’t stand to look away from him even for a moment.

It was ridiculous. They’ve known each other for less than a month. He didn’t even know that much about the younger dancer. Alec could be a serial killer posing as ballet instructor, for all he knew. Magnus was smarter than that, he knew he was.

But god help him, he did _not_ want to stop Alec from looking at him like he all but hung the moon and the stars.

Magnus’ eyes grew fond and happy and his lips quirked up in a small, genuine smile.

“I’m really glad I’m here too, Alexander.”

 

* * *

 

It’s not that Magnus really expected anything different, but the dinner was… fun. More fun than he’d had in a long while. Simon and Jace didn’t annoy him that much and the girls were amazing company.

Magnus was pretty sure he was cursed to fall in love with Lightwoods. He and Izzy hit it off almost immediately - she was exactly his type. Beautiful, confident, smart and sassy. If only Magnus didn’t have his eyes set on her brother, he would have tried to pursue her. Though he was well aware she could probably wipe the floor with him - apparently the entire family was into martial arts.

Magnus would give _a lot_ to see Alec spar with Jace.

Isabelle also proved to be a dedicated and protective sibling. Not long after the dinner was over, she pulled Magnus aside.

“I’ve seen the way you look at Alec. Could you be more obvious?” Izzy asked and while he sputtered and tried to find a suitable answer, she kept going. “And from what I can see, he’s just as disgustingly cute when he thinks no one can see him staring at you.”

“...Really?” Magnus asked, not quite sure if it was a good sign or not.

“Really. I know my brother, Magnus. It’s extremely hard to get him to stop being an awkward turtle hiding inside of his shell. Especially after...” She hesitated and then continued. “I don’t know how you’ve done it, but now that he’s actually being social, you need to know something.”

Her eyes narrowed and for a second Magnus had the strangest feeling he was being measured up, like she was trying to decide how much of a challenge he would be if she wanted to kick his ass.

Probably not that much.

“You need to remember that if you hurt him, I am more than capable of destroying a body without leaving any evidence. That kind of knowledge is actually part of my job description.”

Magnus just blinked at her.

“A shovel talk, really?” Magnus asked, one eyebrow raised in disbelief. “You realize we haven’t even been on one date yet? Hell, I don’t even know if he’s interested in having one.”

“It’s never too early for the shovel talk.” Izzy shrugged. “And he’s interested. You have my word.”

Apart from that brief (and a bit terrifying) interlude, the rest of the evening went great. The conversation flowed smoothly - as did the wine. The boys played a couple of games, the girls teamed up to kick their asses at Halo and all in all, it was a very successful evening.

Clary and Jace were the first to leave, after Jace had a little too much wine and started clinging to everyone like an overgrown panda. Simon offered to take them home since he was the designated driver.

Izzy left soon after, but not before giving Alec a long hug. Magnus didn’t have much experience with sibling gestures, his past being what it was. The closest thing to a brother for him would be Ragnor and the man wasn’t overly affectionate by nature. Magnus wasn’t sure if the hug between Alec and Izzy was normal. It lasted a little too long, maybe, like both of them were afraid to let go first. It wasn’t like they weren’t going to see each other again - from what Magnus learned Izzy actually lived only a couple blocks away and Alec has chosen his new apartment for that very reason.

Izzy eventually left, with a kiss to Alec’s cheek and a wink in Magnus’ direction. Magnus offered to help do the dishes (or at least load the dishwasher). He was standing in front of a wall with pictures while he waited for Alec to fetch himself another glass of wine. Magnus’ own glass was still half-full and he felt the gentle buzz of alcohol swimming through his veins. Not enough to make him drunk, but enough to warm him up from inside and mellow him out.

Some of the pictures he was looking at were pretty obvious. On one of them Izzy and Alec were laughing and Izzy was putting a rose behind Alec’s ear. Another picture was Alec and Jace, sitting on the floor of what seemed to be a gym. Or maybe a dancing studio? It was hard to tell. They both looked a couple years younger, maybe just entering their twenties. The picture was black and white and both boys looked serious and solemn, not really that happy to have their picture taken.

The last picture was in tones of washed-out sepia, faded with age. Two young children, one with dark hair and one blond - were holding a newborn baby. The baby was sleeping and both boys had looks of pure wonder on their chubby faces.

“I told Izzy that this photo is too embarrassing but she insisted.” Alec sighed once he joined Magnus, his gaze focused on the image. His words suggested that he was annoyed, but the soft look on his face proved otherwise.

“You, Jace and Izzy?” Magnus asked and waited for Alec to nod. “It’s not embarrassing, it’s sweet. A nice reminder that you three have always been so close, I guess.”

Alec only made a noncommittal sound and took a sip of his wine.

“I have a feeling that dear Isabelle had a lot to say when it came to decor.”

“How can you tell?” Alec snorted. “I don’t have patience for it and I probably would never go through that much effort just for decoration. The apartment came furnished and I just gave Izzy my credit card and told her to have fun. Can you believe she actually took two days of leave from work to get this done?”

“She did an amazing job.” Magnus admitted. “The place looks great.”

And it really, really did. Izzy obviously had good taste and picked decorations and multitude of small items that were stylish and in great design, but didn’t feel overwhelming. The most noticeable were the photos, though. There were dozens of them - of Alec, Jace and Izzy, in different combinations. Photos of other people too, some taken by Alec, some from the backstage between shows. There were even a couple of pictures of Lydia, Alec’s ex-fiance (whom Magnus may have googled extensively).

Curiously enough, there were no pictures of Alec’s parents. At least none that Magnus could see.

On the wall they were looking at, next to the picture of the Lightwood kids, was a print of New York map. Right next to it, hanging over a small sofa, was a poster. It was a beautiful shot of a male body, framed from hip to chin. The model’s face was not visible, the photograph reaching only as high as his lips. The man’s chest was naked, his body well-muscled and athletic. Magnus knew it must have been Alec posing for the shot. The poster was an advertisement for an Idris Royal Ballet show called ‘ _Shadowhunters_ ’ and Alec’s name was featured on the poster quite prominently.

“It was the first ballet where I danced as a principal.” Alec explained to him as they relocated to the small balcony. The view of the city shrouded in darkness was beautiful and the lights lit up the streets and buildings. “I was so nervous before the premiere that I don’t really remember much from it. The reviews were good, so I guess I just performed on autopilot.”

“I know the feeling.” Magnus admitted, leaning on the balcony edge and looking out to the city.

“You danced on Broadway, right?” Alec asked, his fingers plucking absent-mindedly at the rosemary he had in hanging pot on the railing. It was fragrant enough that the air between them became heavy with its scent.

“I did.” Magnus confirmed, not really willing to go into details. It was a story with a sad ending and he didn’t want to put a damper on the lovely evening. Thankfully, Alec didn’t ask. Magnus guessed he probably had enough people trying to pry into his private life, that he didn’t want to be a hypocrite and do it himself.

“So I have a confession to make,” Magnus said after a moment of silence and turned to look at the younger man, who raised an eyebrow at him, “I didn’t know who you were when I met you for the first time.”

“Why would you?”

“Because of the whole international star thing?” Magnus’  voice was colored with humor. “I don’t actually follow the professional ballet scene. But I did a little research on you once I realized, and by ‘research’ I mean ‘checked your videos on youtube’.”

Alec only chuckled at that.

“I saw a couple of clips of you dancing in ‘Shadowhunters’,” Magnus continued, “and Alexander, you were amazing.” Alec did the same thing he always did when he was on the verge of blushing - he lowered his eyes and avoided Magnus’ gaze. “I mean it. You were only nineteen when you got the leading role and after seeing that performance I’m not surprised you became a principal so early.”

Magnus hoped he wasn’t being too bold or acting too fast and he reached out to take Alec’s hand, the one previously tearing up the rosemary leaves. Alec twitched, as if in surprise, but didn’t pull away when Magnus’ fingers wrapped around his own.

“You are extremely talented and you have an impeccable work ethic. After this week of working together I know that you are a brilliant teacher as well and you care about your students. You are kind and patient and you can be demanding, but you’re never unfair. You love your siblings more than life and it’s obvious you would do anything for them.”

Magnus sighed.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I would love to get to know you better. Take you out for drinks or dinner, this time on me. You have already proved that you can woo me with your cooking.”

“I--” Alec stuttered, words getting stuck in his throat for a moment. He closed his eyes in frustration and Magnus stayed quiet, letting him gather his thoughts. He squeezed his hand a little tighter in a silent show of support. When Alec finally looked back at him, his eyes were filled with emotion that Magnus couldn’t name. “I would like that. Dinner sounds great.”

Magnus found himself unable to look away from the vision that was Alec’s smile and the way it lit up his entire face.

“It’s getting pretty late, I should probably get going,” Magnus whispered, his own lips stretching into a smile.

“I’ll call you a cab.”

A short while later, as Alec showed him out, Magnus turned in the doorway just before leaving, catching the taller man by surprise. They were standing really close, almost cramped together in the narrow corridor and Magnus could see Alec’s eyes widening a little at their proximity.

“I’ll see you at Monday,” Magnus said and tilted his head up a little, giving Alec ample time to move back, if he wanted to.

His lips brushed Alec’s cheek. He was so very warm and his skin was soft, just a barely-there hint of a stubble. He smelled delicious, a mix of cologne and rosemary. It was enough to make Magnus sigh, his breath washing gently over Alec’s jaw.

Magnus moved away, wanting to put some distance between them and finally leave for his taxi, but a large hand cupped his elbow and stopped him.

And the next thing Magnus knew, he was being kissed.

It was a brief, chaste kiss, lasting only a second or two. Really, it was more of momentary brush of lips, barely something that he could feel.

It was still one of the best kisses Magnus had ever experienced.

Alec leaned back, leaving Magnus in a daze and he instinctively tried to follow Alec’s mouth. Alec was smiling once more.

“Monday.” He confirmed, his hand releasing Magnus’ elbow.

Magnus just blinked up at him.

He had a funny feeling that all of the Lightwoods always tried to have the last word.


	4. Chapter 4

As Magnus stood in his kitchen, watching his coffee machine do its magic, he couldn’t help but to feel content.

He woke up in a great mood, which wasn’t really that surprising - he had always been an early riser. It was a Friday morning. The air was crisp and fresh, a nice contrast to the inevitable summer heat wave that would come later on during the day. There weren’t many people out on the streets - most  were still in the process of waking up.

Magnus went on his morning run, music blasting from his earphones as he thought about the new dance routines he was going to introduce to his advanced class after the weekend. He looped around the neighborhood, taking a shortcut here and there, and finally ended up at his favorite bakery to take home a blueberry and cheese cream danish.

After a quick shower, he set up the coffee maker again. When his drink was finally done, Magnus sat down on his balcony with his breakfast and Chairman Meow in his lap and enjoyed the view of the city waking up.

It had been three weeks since the housewarming dinner at Alec’s and they had been on two dates already. The first was a dinner at Magnus’ favorite Ethiopian restaurant. It started a little awkwardly, the nerves were obviously eating Alec alive, but as the evening progressed he relaxed more and more, the conversation flowed easier by the minute. He admitted to Magnus that he didn’t really _do_ dates, with most of his life filled with dance and rehearsals. That wasn’t really surprising - Magnus could remember well enough how it was to have dance for a career. There weren’t many occasions for enjoying a social life.

The second date was better. They went to the movies, where much to his surprise, Magnus learned that Alec liked the action genre the most. The more explosions, gunfights, martial arts, and fast cars, the better. Mindless fun, Alec had called it. Something you can just enjoy without thinking about it too much.

Always full of surprises, his Alec.

Magnus chewed on his danish as he thought. He supposed that Alec was ‘ _his_ ’. They hadn’t really discussed it yet, but by any definition that Magnus knew, they were officially dating. Hell, they had their third date scheduled for this evening and Magnus had finally managed to convince Alec to go to a club, have a couple drinks, and dance a little. It wasn’t really Alec’s scene, but he agreed to it nonetheless.

Magnus was also sort-of hoping that the evening could end up with them wearing considerably less clothing than at the start of the date.

Not that Magnus would push for anything that Alec wasn’t comfortable with. The most they had done for now was kiss, and no matter how much Magnus wanted to get into Alec’s sinfully tight pants, he was patient. All good things in life were worth the wait.

And Magnus had a feeling that Alec was definitely the best thing that had happened to him in years.

Besides, the kissing was _phenomenal_. It always started a little slow, a little hesitant, like Alec wasn’t sure if his advances were welcome or not. Once it became clear to him that yes, Magnus actually wanted it even more than breathing, it became something else. It grew more intense, more passionate, just... _more_. Magnus became Alec’s only focus, like the world outside stopped existing for the duration of the kiss. It was overwhelming, terrific, and terrible at the same time, a soul-shaking experience that Magnus couldn’t get enough of. It felt like being swept up in a maelstrom of emotions - lust, happiness, exhilaration - and Magnus found himself devoured by it all, lost in the feeling of Alec’s lips against his. It didn’t matter when or where it happened - in the intimate darkness of a cinema or in the staff break room when no one else was around - it always felt the same. Like Magnus’ entire world was going to shatter as soon as the kiss stopped.

Magnus finished off his pastry and coffee and leaned back in his chair to run his fingers through Chairman's soft fur. The cat was always extremely affectionate in the mornings. Magnus felt a little guilty for paying him less attention lately - while he was busy floating on cloud nine because of a tall, dark-haired, and slightly broody man sent to him as a reward for all his good deeds.

Not that Magnus was sure he had that many good deeds to start with.

“I must have earned some karma points in the previous life, to deserve him,” Magnus told Chairman as he scratched under the cat’s chin. Chairman only purred in agreement. “Maybe I’m rushing into it, my friend, but Alexander might be just what I needed.”

 

* * *

 

He should have known better than to jinx it, because - as proven by his previous experiences -  the universe obviously loved giving Magnus the middle finger for believing he could have it nice and easy.

 

* * *

 

In the afternoon Magnus was in the middle of his last class for the day, his thoughts already focused on what to wear for their club date in the next couple of hours, when he heard screams. It sounded like children, coming from somewhere in the building and with a growing feeling of dread, Magnus realized it was Alec’s class. Only he had a group of kids on schedule for the time being.

He made it into the ballet classroom in time to see Alec pressing a wad of gauze against a girl’s forehead. The child was sitting on the floor, obviously in pain as she looked like she wanted to cry but was fighting the tears. The rest of the group surrounded them in a tight circle, talking in hushed whispers that made it impossible to hear what Alec was saying to the injured student.

“Come on, make room,” Clary said as she took in the situation, having arrived at the classroom just seconds after Magnus, “give them some air, okay?”

Magnus made his way through the slowly dispersing crowd of kids, kneeling on the floor next to Alec and the girl.

“What happened?” Magnus asked, placing a hand on the girl’s shoulder. He was looking at Alec, who was tight-lipped and looked a little pale.

“Veronica thought it would be worth it to see if she could fly.” Alec muttered, as he peeled back the gauze to look at the injury. It was a nasty cut, probably in need of stitches, and it was still bleeding sluggishly as head wounds tended to. “She had a bit of a hard landing.”

Alec’s voice was calm and he obviously tried to keep the girl from crying, but Magnus could hear the hint of tremble in his voice. His hands were slightly shaky as well.

“I-I wanted to do a spinning jump,” Veronica’s voice broke a little and she hissed when Alec pressed fresh gauze against the cut, “but I couldn’t jump high enough.”

“She climbed the barre and slipped,” Alec said and looked at her, “and she’s lucky she didn’t break her neck.”

The last comment was a little harsh and Magnus could see that Veronica slumped down a little at the sound of Alec’s angry tone. He wanted to say something, maybe try calming Alec down, but it wasn’t really his business how Alec handled his students.

Thankfully, the ballet class was nearly over when the accident happened and it took only ten minutes before Veronica’s mother arrived to pick her up. Alec sent her away with a strict order to take the girl to a doctor and check for possible concussion or fractures. When the classroom was finally empty, Magnus turned to Alec to say something but promptly shut his mouth.

Alec looked like something chewed him up and spit him out. He was pale and trembling - now more than just slightly - and it looked like he had trouble breathing.

“Alexander?”

Alec said nothing as he sank down to the floor, his back to the wall, almost like his legs finally gave up on him.

It was horrible to watch, the transformation that happened right in front of Magnus. It didn’t take more than a couple of seconds, but to Magnus it seemed like it was a movie in slow motion. Gone was the tall, broad-shouldered man that Magnus was used to. Now Alec was curled up on himself, knees pulled up and his face hidden against them, shielded from view by his own arms. He seemed to make himself intentionally smaller, like having his body occupy less space helped him somehow. His breathing was ragged, his lungs almost wheezed when he couldn’t get a breath and it was a heart-breaking, ugly sound.

Magnus suddenly realized that what he was seeing was a full-blown anxiety attack.

“Shit.” Magnus whispered to no one in particular, quickly fished in his pocket for his phone. He didn’t have even the tiniest bit of experience with panic attacks. “Alexander?”

No response, just more of that terrible wheezing and Magnus was afraid Alec was going to pass out from the lack of air.

He quickly picked the number and made the call.

“Magnus?” Jace picked up after three rings, the delay just enough to make Magnus anxious that it wouldn’t be answered, “I think it’s the first time you ever called me. How do you even have my number?”

“Jace, where are you?” Magnus asked, not willing to bother with small talk.

“At the gym. Why?” Something in Magnus’ voice must have alerted Jace that it wasn’t a social call.

“Do you know if your brother had panic attacks before?”

“If my--” Jace’s apparent confusion lasted only for a second. “Fuck. Where is he?”

“The ballet room.”

“I’ll be there in a minute.” Magnus could hear him running through their open line. “Dylan, cover for me, I have to--”

Whatever Jace said to his co-worker was lost after the call disconnected and Magnus turned his attention back to Alec. He didn’t look any better and Magnus crouched next to him, hesitantly, not sure if Alec was even aware he was there.

“Alexander?” Magnus tried again, reaching out to touch Alec’s arm but backing off quickly when Alec just flinched violently at the contact, a choked-off sound escaping through his constricted throat. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, darling.”

Magnus could hear steps pounding up the stairs and through the corridor and after a couple of seconds Jace came running into the room.

“What happened?” Jace’s voice was weirdly calm and quiet, so very unlike his own tone that Magnus almost did a double-take. “What triggered him?”

“I don’t know,” Magnus protested, not really sure what was going on in the first place, “a student got injured and Alec took care of her before her mother came.”

“Injured? Injured how?”

“She fell and hurt her head,” Magnus said, “but she’s fine. Jace, what is going on?”

“Well, fuck.” Jace hissed and ignored Magnus’ question completely in favor of kneeling in front of Alec, who was still struggling to breathe. For Magnus it seemed like eternity since this whole scary mess had started but in reality it couldn't have been more than a couple of minutes.

“Alec.” Jace’s voice still had that oddly calm quality to it. “Alec, I’m going to touch you now, okay?”

He didn’t receive a response but when Jace’s hands gently fell on his shoulders, Alec’s flinch was much less noticeable. For a moment afterwards Jace didn’t move at all, letting Alec get used to the weight of his hands, before slowly moving them up and down his arms, almost like he tried to rub some warmth back into them and stop the trembling.

“It’s okay,” Jace said, leaning in closer to his brother, his voice still calm and soft. “Everyone is fine. Your student…” Jace looked at Magnus expectantly.

“Veronica.”

“Veronica is fine,” Jace continued before visibly hesitating, “and Max is fine too.”

There was a hitch in Alec’s breath, something resembling a whine and he tried to move away from Jace’s grasp, but the younger man held him still.

Magnus frowned. Who the hell was Max?

“Shh. Alec, everything is okay. Max is safe. He’s okay, I promise. You think you can breathe with me? Come on, man, you know the drill. In and out. In and out, just like that.” He paused for a second while Alec tried to take in a shaky breath and force the air past the tight band of steel squeezing his lungs. “Good. You’re doing good.”

It went on for a couple more minutes. Jace slowly and patiently kept unwinding his older brother, making Alec relax by increments, the tension leaving his body in waves. His breathing improved, the wheezing stopped, and Alec gradually uncurled himself from his previous position. He ended up with his face pressed into Jace’s shoulder instead, his skin flushed with effort and damp with sweat. Magnus was pretty sure he saw tear tracks on his cheeks as well, but decided not to point it out. Alec’s eyes were closed and the poor man looked so very tired, like he was ready to drop into unconsciousness at any given moment.

“Back with us now?” Jace asked, his voice back to normal once more. He had one hand over Alec’s back, the other buried in his brother’s hair and scratching gently at his scalp. Magnus couldn’t help his bizarre thought that Alec looked like a cat being petted. Alec only made a vague sound to let Jace know he was listening. “No, man, talk to me. What do you need?”

“Nothing. I’m okay.” Alec rasped out, his voice low and scratchy almost like he’s been shouting for too long. “I-I just need some rest.”

“Let’s get you home, then.”

“I’m fine.”

“Alec.” Jace sounded like he didn’t believe his brother one bit. Magnus was inclined to agree. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be alone now. We both know how out of it you are after something like this happens.”

“Actually,” Magnus interrupted the argument before it had a chance to grow into a full-blown fight, “we had a date night scheduled. We could stay in instead, order a take-out and watch a movie.” Magnus looked at Alec, a little unsure if his offer would be accepted. “That is, if you feel up to it.”

“Yeah.” Alec nodded, slowly, all of his moves a little sluggish, like he was stuck in a pit of molasses. “I don’t really feel like clubbing right now. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Magnus gave him a soft smile. “There is always another time.”

“And we should probably talk.” Alec sighed and accepted Jace’s outstretched hand, allowing his brother to pull him up. “So I can explain… all of this. It’s the least I owe you for freaking out on you like that.”

“Darling, you don’t owe me a single thing.” Magnus shook his head. He reached out to Alec and was relieved when he took his hand. Magnus squeezed his fingers in quiet reassurance. “That said, if you want to talk, we can talk.”

Alec just nodded and went to the changing rooms to switch to his everyday clothes.

“Go to his place, if you can,” Jace said when Alec was out of earshot, “familiar environment would be better for him right now.”

“Just how often does that happen?” Magnus asked, frowning at the door that Alec disappeared behind.

“Not so often, nowadays. Used to be more after he quit the Royal.” Jace sighed. “I know it looks scary but it’s even worse for him.”

“I just wish I knew what to do.” Magnus looked back at the blond. “I didn’t know if touching him would make it better or worse. I don’t think I ever saw anyone have a panic attack.”

“Just… talk to him about it tonight,” Jace said, “he’ll explain to you what to do. If you’re going to stick around you need to know how to handle it, if he goes under again.”

Magnus gave him a dirty look, his eyes narrowing with annoyance.

“I don’t intend on going anywhere.”

And he meant it. Alexander was a breath of fresh air in his otherwise stagnant existence and Magnus was fully planning on being a part of Alec’s life, for as long as he would have him.

“Good.” Jace just smirked but the smile fell from his face after a couple of seconds. “Take care of him, alright? He’s been less of an anxious wreck since he met you.”

Jace left and Magnus was alone with his thoughts while he waited for Alec to get changed.

“No pressure.” Magnus whispered to himself, not sure if he could handle being responsible for someone else's mental well-being.

Not again.


	5. Chapter 5

The drive back to Alec’s home was quiet. Magnus got them a cab, since neither of them were in the mood for dealing with Friday afternoon subway rush. Thankfully, it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence and Alec dozed off during the ride, his head resting on Magnus’ shoulder.

Once they entered the apartment, Alec just sort of stood there, unsure what to do. He looked lost and seeing him like that broke Magnus’ heart.

“Do you want some tea?” Alec finally asked, placing his keys in the basket near the living room door. His movements seemed calculated, like he was trying to spend as little energy on moving as possible.

“I’ll do it.” Magnus placed a hand over the small of Alec’s back and gently pushed him towards the sofa. “You look just about ready to keel over. Sit down before you fall down.”

The task of preparing their drinks gave Magnus a moment to himself. It was easy to find two mugs and the cupboard with tea and coffee - he had seen Alec moving around his kitchen before and remembered where things were. Alec had a specific taste - he took his tea without sugar but had a weakness towards the flavored and aromatic kinds. Magnus prepared them the pomegranate green tea, hoping it would be alright with the younger man.

While the water boiled, Magnus leaned on the counter and closed his eyes. It was hard to believe that only a couple hours ago he was sitting on his balcony, giddy about the prospective  of a date. He thought that this time there wouldn’t be too many bumps in the road. That he could have a love life free of baggage and issues. He wasn't sure he could do it again, not after the things he already went through.

Magnus shook his head, unwilling to go any further down that road. This time was different. Alec had a panic attack, obviously triggered by something traumatic, based on Jace’s methods of calming him down. Anxiety issues were _nothing_ like his past experiences and Magnus felt a little pang of shame for even comparing Alec to _her_.

When Magnus made it back to the living room, he was greeted to sight of Alec stretched out on his back on the sofa, one arm thrown over his eyes to keep the light out. He was barefoot, his feet hanging slightly over one end - it was nearly impossible to find furniture that would accommodate his height without having it custom made. He looked vulnerable, like an animal exposing its soft underbelly to a predator, hoping it wouldn’t end in pain.

Magnus sighed, placed the steaming mugs on the coffee table and grabbed the thickly-knitted quilt that was draped over one of the armchairs.

“Up,” Magnus muttered while he tapped one finger on Alec’s forehead. He helped him raise himself up until Magnus could sit down and carefully place his head back on his lap. He threw the quilt over Alec’s body, covering his exposed feet.

They stayed like this for a long while, the afternoon sun painting the apartment in warm colors. Magnus sipped his tea and waited, his free hand tangled in Alec’s hair and scratching gently. Alec’s tea was still untouched but Magnus knew that Alec preferred it to be lukewarm, ready for drinking without the risk of burning his mouth. After a while he thought that Alec had fallen asleep, but eventually the silence was broken.

“I’m sorry,” Alec said, his voice hushed, as if ashamed by his own imagined weakness.

He still had an arm over his eyes. Magnus frowned. He untangled his hand from Alec’s hair - ignoring the tiny sound of protest - and pushed that arm down to Alec’s chest. Alec didn’t try to stop him.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Magnus answered, his hand resting over Alec’s own, giving it a little squeeze.

“I’m sorry for scaring you,” Alec immediately countered.

Magnus’ first instinct was to deny that he was scared at all, but false reassurances wouldn’t fix anything.

“It was only scary because I have never seen anyone during a panic attack,” Magnus said, choosing his words carefully, “and if you explain to me what I can do to help, then I’ll be ready if it happens again.”

The look that Alec gave him, it made Magnus’ heart ache. As if he didn’t believe that Magnus wasn’t running for the hills, too freaked out by his issues. It was the look of someone who was insecure about their own value, not convinced that remaining by their side was worth anyone’s effort. For a brief moment, Magnus felt like a fool, because of that fraction of a second where he wasn’t sure if he could still be with Alec.

Because Alec _was_ worth it, even if he didn’t believe it himself. And Magnus would do anything in his power to help him realize that.

Alec closed his eyes after looking into Magnus’ own for a long while - a gesture that looked like acceptance and defeat, at the same time. He turned his head a little and nuzzled into Magnus’ belly, hiding part of his face from view.

“Touching helps,” Alec murmured against the fabric of Magnus’ shirt. “It helps to keep me grounded. Connects me to the present.”

“I tried to touch you and you flinched away from me,” Magnus reminded him, careful to keep any possible resentment out of his voice.

“I didn’t know you were going to. I was surprised because I didn’t expect it.”

“Ah,” Magnus said, “that is why Jace warned you.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, what else?” One of Magnus’ hands was back in Alec’s hair, raking through the soft locks and Alec melted a little, his body relaxing instantly.

“Talking. It makes me focus on something other than panic.” Alec paused for a second and the next words come out quieter, like he wasn’t sure he wanted to share his secrets. “If-if you keep telling me that I’m safe, that whatever triggered me is over, then I can calm down quicker.”

“Sounds reasonable,” Magnus said, giving Alec a small smile that the younger man couldn’t really see, since his eyes were still closed.

There was another long moment of silence between them, before Alec sighed.

“I guess you have questions.”

“Oh, only a dozen of them or so,” Magnus replied and smiled when Alec snorted, “but if you don’t want to talk, we don’t have to.”

“No.” Alec opened his eyes and shifted so that he was no longer trying to find shelter in Magnus’ clothes. “It’s okay. You can ask.”

“Alright,” Magnus said, gentling his tone a little, “can you tell me what triggered you in the first place?”

Alec looked away from Magnus, focusing his gaze on one of the posters he had on the wall opposite to the sofa.

“It’s kind of a long story.”

“We have time.” Magnus ran his thumb over Alec’s brow, smoothing it out. “Or we can order food and eat first.”

“No,” Alec said, “I don’t think I’ll be able to eat until I get it all out. I should probably start at the beginning.”

Alec shifted again, until he could reach over for the book on the coffee table. Magnus didn’t think he saw it there when they entered the room, so Alec probably retrieved it while he was busy making their tea. Alec nestled back against him and Magnus didn’t hesitate to bury his fingers in his hair once more, resuming his petting.

The book turned out to be a photo album, a thick volume filled with pictures. Alec propped it over his chest, angling it so that Magnus could see. He flipped through it for a while, until he stopped at pages filled with photos of a beautiful blonde woman. Magnus recognized her from the google search he did on Alec when they first met.

“This is Lydia,” Alec said, a hint of fondness in his tone. That warmth and emotion was enough to make Magnus feel a little pang of jealousy, no matter how ridiculous it was.

“Your fiancée.”

“Ex-fiancée,” Alec corrected him. “She’s one of my best friends. We were accepted into Idris roughly at the same time and we worked together more often than not. We had the same work ethic, same rules and training regimen. We became friends quickly and I think she figured out that I was gay even before I did.” Alec laughed a little. “I mean, I wasn’t fooling myself into thinking that I was straight, but I wasn’t out of the closet either. Lydia didn’t even need to ask, she just knew.”

“Smart girl,” Magnus admitted, somewhat reluctantly.

“Lydia is the best,” Alec whispered, flipping another page to reveal a couple more pictures, all of them of the same blonde woman. On some of the photos she was with other people and some even had her and Alec in them, together. “My parents… they weren’t exactly thrilled when I decided to make dance my career. They are both in law enforcement.”

“I’m aware,” Magnus said with a nod, “which is why it doesn’t really surprise me that Isabelle went into a similar field as well.”

“Izzy was actually the one who took ballet first,” Alec said. “She had this phase where she was into dancing and I was stuck with her after school, since our parents were working and we had one nanny. I had to sit through her rehearsals and I was so bored with all the waiting, I actually started to mimic the routines just to have something to do.”

Magnus grinned after imagining it. Little Alec, frustrated with the boredom and waiting and dancing along just for the heck of it.

“Only Izzy actually got over her phase and I didn’t. I liked it and my parents didn’t think I would stick with it for much longer, but I did. I auditioned to a ballet school and I got in and by that time they realized I was serious about it. They don’t have anything against dance, but they thought I would invest all my time into it and resign later on, when things got tough. They didn’t want me to waste my time.” Alec sighed. “And seeing how I quit the Royal, I guess they weren’t wrong.”

“You didn’t quit dance, though,” Magnus protested, “so they weren’t exactly right either.”

“Maybe,” Alec whispered, “but it’s not important now. Back then, I wasn’t out, not with them. Izzy and Jace knew, and our parents probably suspected, but I never said anything out loud. I knew that the people from their social circle made fun of them behind their backs, because a son who dances in ballet must be a fag.”

Magnus made an unhappy sound, his fingers stopping their petting for a moment. He really hated that word.

“So I thought that I could make it easier for them, for a while at least. I got the position as a principal dancer, so that was good. The fame and money that came with it helped too and suddenly the ‘family embarrassment’ transformed into someone who you could brag about. And then Lydia got the idea about the engagement. It would take some more heat off my back and she would get a break from the constant stream of propositions she got. Some men thought it would be an adventure to fuck a ballerina and see how flexible she really was.”

Magnus barely kept himself from snorting. He hated the type, having encountered enough of those people during his time on Broadway.

“So I proposed. It was a long engagement and we had the excuse of being so busy with our work that the wedding could wait. My parents accepted it, though I don’t think they ever really believed I would go through with it. But Lydia didn’t mind being my beard.”

Alec fell silent for a while, looking at the pictures of his friend, before flipping another couple of pages and stopping once more.

Magnus’ breath caught a little when his gaze fell to the first picture. It was Alec, obviously, but a lot younger. Perhaps in his late teenage years, just on the brink of adulthood, judging from the still light stubble showing on his face. He was holding a small baby in his arms. His expression was full of wonder and love and happiness, his eyes wide and his smile even bigger. It reminded Magnus of the picture of him, Jace and baby Izzy that he had on his living room wall. Both pages of the album were filled with photos of the same baby - at least Magnus suspected it was the same child, since all babies looked alike to him.

“And this is Max,” Alec whispered, his finger stroking lightly over one of the pictures, “my brother.”

Alec flipped another page and then another and the time on the photos progressed. The baby grew into a toddler and then into a young boy and the family resemblance between him and Alec was clearly visible.

“I was already sixteen years old when he was born,” Alec said. “My mother used to say that he was her ‘ _surprise, you’re not in menopause_ ’ baby. And it was the first time I felt that I’m an older brother. I mean, both Jace and Izzy are younger than me but it’s a really small difference. We’re basically the same age. But with Max…”

Alec paused for a moment.

“I’ve held him for the first time just before I started at the Royal as a professional. I was only sixteen but I remember holding him and he was so tiny and I thought to myself that this is it. This is what it feels like to be an older brother. I wanted to be someone he could be proud of, someone he could have as an example. I wanted to be the best possible version of myself, just because he suddenly became a part of my life.”

Alec fell silent, just staring at the pictures. Magnus wanted to give him time, but after a while it became clear he didn’t intend to speak up first.

“Darling,” Magnus said and felt Alec shudder under his hands, “you don’t have a single picture of him in your apartment. You never talked about him - I haven’t even heard his name before today.” Magnus was a little afraid of what he was about to ask next. He wasn’t sure he was going to like the answer. “What happened?”

Alec swallowed, suddenly feeling like his throat was filled with cotton balls.

“There was a girl, Lena,” Alec started, his voice little more than a whisper, “I worked with her at the Royal. She was one of the ballerinas and we interacted professionally, but that’s it. For the longest time, I couldn’t even remember her name, even while we talked. But she…”

Alec touched one of Max’s pictures again, slowly rubbing his thumb over the photo. In the shot an older Max was riding on Alec’s shoulders and Jace was walking with them, a huge grin on his face.

“Lena was one of the background dancers and I was already a principal. She became obsessed with me. At first it started as professional interest, talking about shared routines, me helping her with her forms at rehearsals, that kind of stuff. Her interactions with me started to get more personal and I wasn’t comfortable with that - I guess I always felt that something was off with her, like I could never fully trust her. I always listened my instincts, so I kept her at arm’s length. She got more and more invested, sending me emails, leaving me notes after rehearsals and shows. She got a hold of my private number and kept sending me texts. More than once she broke into my changing room and left me letters or gifts.” Alec sighed. “I wanted to deal with it myself but things got too much when she actually threatened Lydia.”

Magnus winced. He had a feeling that this particular story was going to get ugly, really fast.

“I went to the director and Lena got dismissed from the Royal. My parents talked me into getting a restraining order against her, just in case.” Alec grimaced. “Not that it helped.”

“Alexander...” Magnus breathed out, feeling himself tense all over. The expression on Alec’s face was pained, like he was forcing himself to relieve a particularly bad memory. “What did she do?”

“It was the last performance of the season.” Alec started, closing the photo album and placing it flat on his chest. “It was here, actually, in New York. My entire family was at the show - we were going to dinner afterwards. Lena got backstage and she cornered me just as I left the stage.”

Magnus reached out to take Alec’s hand, which Alec gladly took, weaving their fingers together.

“In the chaos after the show somehow she got her hands on Max. She was trying to convince me to go with her, shouting all those things about us being together without anyone interfering, about me being her true love - all the crazy stalker shit like that. But she had Max. She held a kitchen knife to his throat.”

“Jesus.” Magnus closed his eyes for a second, already afraid of how the story will end.

“I tried to talk her down. I promised her anything she wanted, as long as she let my brother go. I think it was working, until someone in the crowd behind me made a wrong move and she stepped away from me. But the only thing behind her were stairs and she pulled Max with her as she fell.” Alec’s voice started to waver a little. “It was a long and steep flight of stairs. Lena broke her neck and Max hit his head, really hard.”

Alec looked up at Magnus, for the first time in a really long while. His eyes were shining with tears. Everything suddenly clicked into place - Alec’s earlier behavior and his panic attack after seeing his student fall.

“Max is okay. He didn’t die. But for a long while, we weren’t sure. He was in a coma for over three weeks and we didn’t know when or _if_ he was ever going to wake up. And even after he regained consciousness, he was so out of it that we couldn’t be sure there wasn’t any brain damage. I spent as much time at the hospital as I could get away with. I left only for showers and to change clothes and then I went back to Max’s bedside. After the first week my mom cornered me while I was leaving to get something to eat and told me it would be better if I didn’t come back for a while.”

Magnus froze, disbelief clear on his face.

“She did what?”

“My parents… they never said it out loud, but I can read between the lines, I know they blame me for what happened. They’d been living in public eye for years, given their jobs, but being in Idris was a different kind of fame altogether. They were worried about something like that happening and I’d always dismissed their concerns.” Alec looked away, fixing his gaze on a random spot on the wall. “So I guess they were right, all along.”

“No, they weren’t.” Magnus scoffed, pulling at Alec’s hair a little to get his attention. “Getting a stalker has nothing to do with fame. You could be an elementary school teacher and you could still have someone obsessed with you. Darling, please tell me you don’t believe it was actually your fault.”

Alec said nothing, just looked away once more before closing his eyes.

“Alexander…”

“I haven’t seen him since,” Alec interrupted him and his voice was filled with shame and anguish, enough to make Magnus breath catch. “I haven’t seen him since that night and it’s been seven months. I’ve ran away and hid in a cottage belonging to Lydia’s parents and I probably would still be there if Izzy and Jace hadn’t dragged me out. They took turns staying with me, taking care of me during the panic attacks and fuck, there were _so many_ of them, right after… after what happened. After my little brother nearly died because of me.”

“Alexander,” Magnus shook his head, “you didn’t push your brother down the stairs. You didn’t hurt him. From what you told me, you tried to do everything in your power to make sure that this girl let him go. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Magnus didn’t even have time to blink before Alec was tossing away the quilt and springing back up from his spot on the sofa. Magnus’ lap felt suddenly cold without the younger man’s head resting there. Alec was standing now, agitated, his body one tense line that made him look just about ready to snap.

“I was a coward!” Alec shouted and then realized he shouldn’t have raised his voice. He swallowed hard, looking away from Magnus and his stunned expression. Magnus realized it was the first time he saw Alec angry.

“I was a coward,” Alec repeated in a much calmer tone, though Magnus could still hear the tremble in his voice. “I couldn’t stand to look at him and remember his expression when Lena held a knife to his throat. The way he counted on me to keep him safe. I didn’t want to look at him and see that my parents were right and that I failed to protect him.” Alec’s shoulders shook with grief. “So I ran away. And I’m still running, seven months later.”

Magnus looked at him - _really_ looked at him. Alec was avoiding his eyes, unwilling to face the disappointment he thought he would see in them. With his shoulders slumped and his head hung low, he looked like he was trying to make himself as small as possible. He was uncomfortable and tense, like he was struggling with an instinct to flee, to hide away from possible judgement.

Frankly, he looked beaten down and defeated and Magnus was having none of it.

“So do better.”

Alec’s head jerked up, his eyes narrowed slightly in confusion.

“What?”

“Do better,” Magnus repeated. “You think you screwed up. Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t. I don’t think so, but I don’t know you or your family well enough to be the judge of that. If you think you made a mistake by staying away for too long - fix it. Go see your brother.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“I don’t see why not.”

“Magnus...” Alec shook his head and sat down on the sofa, leaning forward and burying his face in his hands. “I haven’t talked to him in months. He’s hurt and confused and probably doesn’t even want to see me. And the longer I wait, the harder it is to face him.”

“He’s a child.” Magnus drummed his fingers over his thigh. “Children aren’t really capable of holding grudges for long periods of time. That, plus he’s your brother. If he loves you at least half as much as you love him, he’ll forgive you.”

Alec made a sound, a wet sort of noise that might seem like he was fighting tears but when he emerged from the safety of his own hands, his eyes were dry. He leaned back until he could rest his head on the back of the sofa and turned slightly to look at the older man.

“I’m sorry for raising my voice,” Alec whispered, placing his hand in the space between them, palm up. He breathed a sigh of relief when Magnus took it, their fingers tangled together immediately, like it was the most natural thing to do. “You didn’t deserve that.”

“No, I didn’t.” Magnus shrugged with one shoulder. “But it’s okay. You had a rather emotional evening, I guess you can just make it up to me.”

Alec raised their joined palms to his lips until he could place a kiss on the back of Magnus’ hand, making the other man smile. Magnus scooted over on the sofa until there was no more space between them and allowed Alec to wrap an arm around his shoulders, snuggling in close.

“I should have told you earlier,” Alec said after they have been sitting in comfortable silence for a while, watching the red and orange sky bleed into the navy blue of the evening. “I don’t have a lot of experience with dating but there’s probably a rule of some sort about bringing baggage into a potential relationship.”

“Darling, give yourself a break,” Magnus sounded amused as he nuzzled a little more into Alec’s shoulder, “we only had two dates. That rule doesn’t apply until after the fifth.”

“Good to know,” Alec replied, “but I can bet you don’t have that kind of skeletons hiding in your closet.”

“No, my skeletons are out and proud and wearing rainbow t-shirts.”

Alec chuckled, his chest rising and falling with the motion and Magnus smiled again, closing his eyes.

This felt like the right moment. Alec revealed his biggest fear to him, let him know about the issues that have been haunting him for months. It wasn’t anything as bad as he thought it would be, for which Magnus was eternally grateful. But if they were to be on an equal footing, Magnus felt he should share his past as well.

It was now or never.

“Actually…” Magnus started, the smile falling from his lips, “I think I should introduce you to those skeletons of mine.”

He felt Alec tense underneath him for just a second, before the arm around his shoulders tightened its hold.

“Magnus, you don’t have to.”

“I want to,” Magnus said, then paused. “No, I really _don’t_ want to, but it would be best if you knew. That way everything is out in the open.”

Alec said nothing, just buried his nose in Magnus’ hair (still smelling of sandalwood, the scent that Alec would forever associate with Magnus now) and waited for him to start.

Magnus took in a deep breath.

“I need to tell you about Camille.”


	6. Chapter 6

__

_Magnus groaned as the keys to his apartment slipped from his hand and clattered to the floor. With a heavy sigh of defeat, he bent down to pick them up and resisted the feeling of vertigo that overcame him. He knew he had overworked himself again. It was close to 2 a.m. and it was the fourth time that week he stayed at the theatre for too long, trying to polish the choreography before presenting it to the director the next week._

_He took off his shoes at the door, placed his bag and keys on the kitchen island, and dug through the fridge for a bottle of fresh orange juice. It was pleasantly cold and refreshing, just what he needed after a long day._

_Magnus threw a quick glance towards the long corridor on the other end of his flat and he raised one eyebrow at the light coming from the underneath of his bedroom door._

_“Camille?” Magnus called out softly. His voice was loud enough to hear but not enough to wake her if she had fell asleep with lights on._

_There was no response, so he placed the juice back in the fridge and made his way towards the source of light._

_Whatever Magnus expected to see inside his bedroom, it definitely wasn’t the sight of a man sprawled naked in his bed, buried face-down in his sheets, fast asleep._

_It took him a second to shake off the shock and then his gaze travelled from the man’s naked backside, clear on display, towards the bedside table. He felt his heart freeze in his chest when he noticed a dusting of white powder on the table’s polished surface and a rolled bill._

_Magnus knew what it was. He had seen it before._

_“Camille?” He called out again, not bothering to keep his voice down anymore. It didn’t seem to make the slightest difference, since the mystery man just snored once and nuzzled into the pillow. It seemed that it would take a lot more than Magnus’ raised voice to wake him up. The door to the adjoining bathroom was closed and he knocked once, out of habit, before pushing it open._

_“Shit!” Magnus cursed loudly as he fell to his knees next to Camille’s immobile body. She was lying on her side between the shower and the toilet. Magnus thought that she must have been unconscious for some time now, since her body was chilled from the bathroom tiles._

_“Come on Camille, wake up.” Magnus urged her after he rolled her over and raised her up, until her back was against his chest. She was wearing only a pair of skimpy panties and he rubbed his hands over her bare arms, hoping to warm her up. There was a leather belt tied over her upper arm and Magnus could see an empty syringe on the floor next to him. “Don’t do this to me, not again.”_

_She wasn’t responding, so Magnus tilted her head back and listened to her breathing. It was laboured and raspy and when he checked her pulse he found it sluggish and weak._

_“Fuck!” Magnus dug through his pocket for his phone, growing more irritated when he tangled himself in the fabric, losing precious seconds. “Fuck, come on!”_

_He dialled with one hand, the other trying to hitch her a little higher up, to keep her off the cold tiles._

_“911, what’s your emergency?”_

_“I just found my girlfriend passed out on the bathroom floor,” Magnus said, his gaze falling to the empty syringe, “I think she overdosed. She’s unconscious. I can’t wake her up and her breathing isn’t good.”_

_“What is your location and phone number?”_

_Magnus leaned back to rest his head on the wall as he provided his address and personal information. The bathroom smelled of vomit and it made his stomach roll._

_“The ambulance is on its way,” the dispatcher informed him. “Can you tell me what age is your girlfriend and do you know what she took?”_

_“She’s twenty-nine,” Magnus answered, checking once more if Camille was still breathing, “I’m not sure, but I think it was cocaine. She…” He hesitated. “She has a history of drug abuse.”_

_The emergency dispatcher asked him a couple more questions and then told him to stay on the line and disconnect only when the paramedics arrived. Magnus laid Camille on her side for a moment, freeing himself from her weight._

_He marched back into the bedroom, grabbed his sheets and yanked on them with all his might, tossing the mystery man off his bed in result. He landed with a dull thud and the impact had the desired outcome._

_“Ow! What the fuck!”_

_“I don’t know who you are,” Magnus seethed, his hands curling into fists as he glared at the man currently sprawled on his floor, “but you have two minutes before I call the police, so get your shit together and get the fuck out of my apartment.”_

_Magnus didn’t wait for his reply, just grabbed a short silk robe that Camille sometimes wore after showering and carefully put it on her, to preserve whatever little modesty she had left. He moved her to the bedroom to get her off the cold tiles - the unknown man apparently gone already - and placed her in the recovery position. She was still breathing, though she had not regained consciousness._

_Magnus had nothing left to do but wait, so he used the time to grab the discarded syringe from the bathroom and capped it, before returning to Camille. Whatever she took, the hospital might want to run tests on it to determine the drug._

_Magnus sat down on the floor next to Camille, moving some of her tangled hair away from her face. He really, really wished he didn’t have the practical knowledge of what to do with a person who overdosed on drugs, but unfortunately, this had happened before._

_There was nothing left to do but wait._

 

* * *

 

Neither Magnus nor Alec said anything for a long while. They had somewhat migrated from their previous position and Alec was once more stretched out on his back, Magnus wedged between the younger man’s body and the back of the sofa, his head pillowed on Alec’s arm.

“When she woke up in hospital later on,” Magnus continued in a hushed tone, “I told her that I would support her in getting clean again if she wanted my help, but that we were over. I couldn’t trust her, not after that.” Magnus closed his eyes for a moment. “And you know what’s the most pathetic part? I probably would have forgiven her if it was just the drugs. Addiction is a slippery slope. But actually cheating on me?”

Alec made a small, hurt sound, his fingers travelling up and down Magnus’ exposed arm in what he hoped was a soothing gesture.

“At that moment, I don’t think she cared if I left her or not. I don’t think she _ever_ cared,” Magnus whispered, as he drummed his fingers against Alec’s chest. “But she agreed to cleaning up her act. She couldn’t go into rehab, because if the news got out her career would be over. So we did it on our own. I kept her away from anything stronger than ibuprofen. I couldn’t trust her not to go out and buy anything, so I stayed with her all the time.” Magnus sighed. “I had to leave everything behind. I resigned from the theatre. I had the groceries delivered so that I didn’t have to leave the house. Even stopped contacting our friends since I didn’t want to get them involved in that mess.”

Magnus sighed again and Alec reached out to grab the hand playing with his shirt and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“I thought it was all worth it,” Magnus said. “We’d been together for years. There was enough history between us that I thought it was the least I could do for her - help her get clean. There was a time when I loved her, so much.”

He really, really did. Magnus met Camille when they were both young, both new to Broadway and the theatre scene. Magnus was still an assistant to one of the choreographers and Camille was a supporting actress, trying to make it to the main cast. There was an instant spark between them, something like magic that made them gravitate towards each other. The shameless flirting evolved into an affair and then into a relationship that lasted for years, despite its ups and downs. They stayed together, they worked hard, and after some time they both changed their dreams into reality. Camille Belcourt was a lead actress and Magnus was one of the main choreographers.

It seemed like a perfect fairy tale, until Magnus discovered that Camille and a couple of other actors tried hard drugs at one of the parties. And that Camille had been using for months, without Magnus realizing.

“What happened?” Alec asked after Magnus fell silent for a long moment, as if lost in his own memories.

“We got her through detox. I stayed with her for weeks after she left the hospital. She was doing better, so I thought I could leave her alone for more than five minutes. I went back to theatre, to talk with the director about possibly getting back into the company.” Magnus chuckled, the sound lacking any kind of amusement. “I was so fucking naive. When I came back home, she was gone. All of her clothes, her personal belongings - just gone. There was no note left, and not even a word of apology texted to me later on. Nothing.”

“Jesus,” Alec whispered, “she used you.”

“She did,” Magnus agreed. “I think she loved me, once, in the beginning. But she could be cruel and manipulative and she was terribly ambitious, so I think in the end I was just a means to an end. A stepping stone towards the future she really wanted. I didn’t see it until it was too late.”

And it was a terrible, terrible feeling. Realizing that you were never someone’s priority, when you thought otherwise for years.

“Do you know what happened to her?”

“She lives in LA,” Magnus said. “She left Broadway behind and made her way to silver screen. Last time I heard, she was playing some vampire queen in one of the young adult movies. I’m not sure what she’s up to now - I try to avoid any news about her.”

Alec was quiet, as he digested all the information that Magnus threw at him. The older man was content with just lying together in silence, Alec’s body heat against his cheek and the steady _thump-thump_ of his heart underneath Magnus’ palm.

Finally, so very slowly, Alec wiggled on the sofa until they were both on their sides, facing each other. They ended up being very close, the space narrow enough to force them together, their breaths nearly mingling.

“I’m--” Alec hesitated, trying to find the right words. Magnus gave him time, as it seemed that Alec often got tongue-tied when he had something important to say. “I’m glad that she’s gone. It’s selfish, but it’s the truth.” Alec shrugged with one shoulder at the sight of Magnus’ eyebrows raising in surprise. “I’m glad, because she wasn’t worth your love. She took your compassion and your trust and she twisted it to fit her own purposes. And most of all, I am glad that she’s gone, because it gives me a chance to have you.” Alec swallowed, his eyes slipping away from Magnus’ to stare at a particularly interesting spot on the back of the sofa. “That is, if you’re not scared off by those closeted skeletons of mine.”

Magnus laughed, a quiet sound of amusement that tore away from him despite the seriousness of the situation. He leaned in a little to rest his forehead against Alec’s and closed his eyes for a moment.

This man, this young and painfully honest young man with more baggage that anyone in their mid-twenties should ever have… He was going to be Magnus’ undoing. Magnus didn’t know how he got so attached to him in such short time, but the idea of not seeing Alec, of not having him close like this…

The fierceness of longing that filled his heart was alarming.

“For years after she left, I’ve closed myself off to feeling anything for anyone, man or woman.” Magnus placed his hand over Alec’s bristly cheek, his thumb running over the gentle curve of his cheekbone. His heart fluttered when Alec leaned into his touch. “You’ve unlocked something in me.”

And really, how could Alec respond to that, other than to kiss him stupid?

 

* * *

 

Magnus woke up slowly, fighting against the sluggishness in his limbs and the remains of sleep clinging to his eyelashes. Opening his eyes was an effort of epic proportions, but somehow, he managed. He blinked a couple times and nuzzled back into the soft sheets, wishing he could just lounge around for the entire day.

Alec’s bedroom was small, smaller than Magnus expected it to be. The walls were a combination of red brick and white plaster, fitting in nicely with the rest of the apartment. The bed was a double, a simple black iron frame and a quite firm mattress. There were picture frames on the wall above the bed, but those were only scenery and nature shots - Magnus thought it was probably too weird having pictures of your friends and family watching you sleep.

Other than the bed, the room had enough space for a narrow wardrobe and one of the walls was completely covered with bookshelves. Alec had a _lot_ of books, maybe even more than Magnus. Some were placed neatly on the shelves but some were stacked a little haphazardly and looked like the slightest touch would make them fall over.

Magnus sighed, turning on his back and looking at the window. The blinds were down, but he could see that it was still early. The other half of the bed was empty and when Magnus ran his hand over it, it was cold to the touch. Alec must have gotten up some time ago.

Magnus smiled a little to himself as he thought about the previous night. They went to bed after finally finishing their talk and ordering late night take-out for dinner. Alec loaned him an old shirt to sleep in, a little too big for Magnus’ frame as it kept falling off one shoulder.

The whole situation was far from the ideal ending of the night he thought about before, but it was just as good. They fell asleep curled around each other, both too exhausted after confessing their fears and describing their pasts. They still haven’t done anything other than kissing. It was sweet, it was awfully domestic, and Magnus wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world.

He got up, reluctantly, stretching a little as he stood. The edge of the shirt reached way past his ass, covering his briefs. Magnus grinned when he saw his reflection in the mirrored door of the wardrobe. He looked like he was wearing nothing but Alec’s clothes, which had an interesting effect on Alec. The blushing and deer-in-the-headlight effect, to be exact.

Magnus rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand, probably smudging the remains of the eyeliner he couldn’t get fully off last night without his usual products. His bare feet made no sound on the wooden floors as he trod towards the kitchen, following the sound of Alec’s voice.

“Yes, I understand,” Alec said quietly into his phone as he prodded the pancake batter resting on the kitchen counter. “I’ll see you later.”

Alec placed his phone on the counter and smiled when Magnus plastered himself to his back, his arms wrapping around Alec’s middle.

“Morning,” Magnus muttered against the warm skin, as he brushed a light kiss in between Alec’s shoulder blades.

“Hey,” Alec responded, one of his hands rubbed briefly against Magnus’ arm. He placed a frying pan on the stove and turned it on.  “The pancakes will be ready in a moment.”

“Mhm.” Magnus hummed, his hands shifted a bit until he could splay his fingers wide over the hard muscles of Alec’s bare stomach. “And how about a good morning kiss?”

Alec snorted, turning around in Magnus’ embrace and the older man graciously allowed it. He tilted his head up in a silent plea and Alec leaned in, pressing his lips against Magnus’. It was a sweet, innocent kiss, a gentle brushing of lips. Alec tried to shift away but Magnus’ hands shot up from their place on Alec’s waist to take a hold of his jaw instead. The kiss grew hotter, more urgent and Magnus licked against the closed seam of Alec’s lips. The younger man opened up to him beautifully, allowing him in, but not submitting even for a moment.

Magnus made a startled sound when Alec’s hands wrapped around the top of his thighs and jerked him up, until his feet came off the floor. The kiss broke for a moment as Alec spun them around and deposited Magnus on the kitchen counter, stepping in between his legs to devour his mouth once more.

“Fuck,” Magnus hissed as Alec sucked gently at the sensitive spot on his neck, just underneath his ear. He wrapped his legs around Alec’s hips, keeping him close. Alec’s hands ran teasingly over his thighs, until they came to the edge of his underwear.

“I like seeing you in my clothes,” Alec muttered against his neck, even as his fingers travelled up a little further underneath the shirt and caressed over the skin on the small of Magnus’ back.

“I like wearing your clothes,” Magnus breathed out as he ran his hands through the dark hair on Alec’s chest, “we should make that a habit.”

Alec laughed, kissing Magnus one last time before turning back towards the kitchen. Magnus sighed and leaned back a little to get comfortable, still seated on the kitchen counter. There was an open package of blueberries next to him and Magnus took a couple to pop into his mouth.

It was… nice. It felt a little like a ‘morning after’ situation, only without sex. Magnus couldn’t remember if he ever shared a morning like this with someone whom he had not taken to bed after a couple of dates, but he could definitely get used to this.

“So,” Magnus said as he watched Alec prepare their breakfast, “isn’t it a little early for phone calls?”

It _was_ Saturday morning, after all.

Alec took the last pancake off the pan and turned off the heat. He stood there silent for a minute, staring at the food.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Magnus said quickly, not wanting to come off as too pushy, “I’m just curious.”

“It’s okay.” Alec split the stack of pancakes onto two separate plates and handed one of them to Magnus. “It was my father.”

Well, _that_ was something that Magnus did not expect.

“Pardon?”

Alec placed his plate on the kitchen table and sat down and, after a second of hesitation, Magnus hopped off the counter and joined him. He proceeded with drowning his pancakes in maple syrup. Alec was, apparently, more of a whipped cream and blueberry kind of guy.

“I decided to follow your advice,” Alec said after dumping an obscene amount of whipped cream on his plate. “To do better. So I called my father before I could talk myself out of it.”

Magnus said nothing as he chewed on his food but made a vague ‘go on’ motion with his hand to let Alec know he was listening.

“Yeah, so… I have a favor to ask.”

 

* * *

 

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

Alec swallowed, looking more and more mortified with every passing second and Magnus squeezed his hand in effort to keep him grounded.

“No,” Alec eventually said, “but I’m not turning back now. Not again.”

They stood just on the edge of a small park, facing the lovely red brick row houses, the kinds that movies about New York always showed. They were a little cliche, true, but still pretty, especially in the afternoon sun. The one with dark brown door a couple dozen feet away from them looked almost exactly the same as the rest, but somehow seemed more intimidating.

“Hey.”

Alec turned towards Magnus, finally tearing his eyes away from the house. He had a wild look in his eyes, like he was on the edge of another panic attack and that would just not do.

“Listen to me,” Magnus reached up until his hands could cradle Alec’s jaw, “it’s going to be alright. I know it will. You’ve made it this far, I know you want to see it through. You’re done running away, remember?”

“Right,” Alec whispered, leaning down until he could rest his forehead against Magnus’, “you’re sure I can’t talk you into going in with me?”

“Darling, I don’t think we’re ready for the ‘meet the parents’ stage yet.” Magnus’ mouth quirked up when Alec chuckled. They let go of each other, albeit reluctantly. “No more stalling. Go. It’s a lovely day and I want to read my book.” Magnus patted his messenger bag with a copy of _American Gods_ inside. “I’ll be here when you’re done.”

Magnus gave Alec’s hand one last squeeze before sitting down at the park bench just a couple feet away from them. Alec sighed, squared his shoulders and finally made his way across the street and towards the dark door. Magnus leaned back on the bench and observed his boyfriend as he walked up the steps and rang the bell.

The man who opened the door didn’t look much like Alec. He was shorter, much shorter - but then again, Alec tended to tower over most people. From the distance Magnus couldn’t tell if the man was actually bald or if his hair was shaved off. He had a dark beard, just slightly longer than Alec’s when he let himself grow scruffy.

As Magnus watched he could see the shift of emotion on the man’s face. At first it looked like shock, despite Alec calling beforehand to let his parents know he was going to come over. Magnus suspected they probably expected Alec to bail on them.

After a second, the surprise shifted into something else. The man’s eyes grew softer, his posture more relaxed and Magnus couldn’t help but to smile as Alec’s father pulled him in close and hugged him. Alec was stiff and unresponsive at first, before his arms wrapped around the older man’s shoulders and he hugged back, clearly just as touch-starved.

The hug lasted for a long while and afterwards Alec was pulled inside of the house. The door closed behind him and Magnus sighed happily before he dug out his book and settled down to read.

Yes, Alec was going to be just fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Every fic in this series is first posted to my tumblr and I usually upload it to AO3 with a delay. If you want to read my stories as soon as I finish them, follow me there: theonetruenorth.tumblr.com
> 
> Beta-read by [BuddyLey](http://buddyley.tumblr.com/)


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